DiVoRcE - the one word I never thought would turn into an action

 "I no longer want you as my wife. I want a divorce." Now that... gutted me and left my soul floundering and frantically looking for a life vest. I haven't found the life vest but what I have found is silence. The eggshells that used to crack so loud while walking on them are now quite or gone. The ability to come home and breathe freely is back.

My kids are each coming out of the shells they put themselves into 3 weeks ago when he returned from working on the southern border and now has left to go back to that border. A bomb was dropped, the kids and I took pause, talked and had a moment to grieve. They have yet to tell all their friends, they are working to build that courage to tell people while still wanting to keep it hidden and not have to hear and answer the questions that are sure to come. 

I knew I was strong and independent, that I can handle whatever comes my way after I take the pause in silence to think thru and organize thoughts. But this, this is strength I didn't ever want to tap into. It is so sad. I mourn my loss of a 20-year marriage, and I mourn the loss of a father for my kids. It's not fair that they suffer from his choices, actions, and consequences. While he moves on to live a free life however he wants to live it. 

If there is one thing, I want my kids to learn - do not run from your problems. If you do something wrong, admit it, own it, and make changes. Understand that your choices and actions impact more people than just yourself. Your word is all you have at the end of the day so be sure your actions back up your words. 

I could go on and on, but for tonight, I am going back to sit in silence and think. Our future has no guarantee, but I deeply believe that any rash decisions will hurt more than help.